Music Pick: How To Save A Life - Part 2 (long)

If you didn't read my previous post on this, check it out here (I added the lyrics to my blog post).

I'm talking about the song How To Save A Life by The Fray.
Someone asked what the story was behind this song. This is what they say about it on their site:

..."How To Save A Life," was inspired by [Isaac] Slade's experience as a mentor to a crack addicted teen. "I was a sheltered suburban kid when I met this guy. He was a recovering addict, coming out of a really tough teenage life. Thankfully, he was on his way out of that life, so he was able to really look back with some objectivity. The song is more of a memoir about his slow motion descent and all the relationships he lost along the way."

I've listened to this song and heard what The Fray intended. I've heard a wife confronting her husband. I've heard a 'how to' confront check list. I've heard how to be a friend.

This song breaks me. I can picture a friend of mine, who we'll call Mark - though that is not his name. Mark was one of my best friends in high school. We had similar interests in music and both played guitar. We used to hang out a lot, which was a life saver for me because I didn't have a lot of close friends growing up. We were good friends.

One evening when we were hanging out and joking around, Mark got serious and shared some of the personal struggles he battled with, though he was very non-specific. As his friend I encouraged him and offered my support. I reassured him that there was nothing he could do that would ruin our friendship, and even more that God's love for him was unconditional.

I later found out, by accident, what it was that he had tried to share with me. The whole incident was like a slow motion nightmare. Even worse, I reacted horribly. I basically ran because I felt hurt and betrayed. You don't need to know what happened but what you do need to know is that I eventually confronted him on it - and I was harsh, judgmental and stupid. I totally did things the wrong way.

Our relationship was never the same again.

Yes, we made it through that and later reconciled but never became more than just "hey, what's up dude". I know now that I totally screwed up, and lost a friend. What's even more is that he had struggled with his relationship with God and has since walked away from Him altogether.

There have been times in the past where I have blamed myself for his condition - I shoulda, I coulda, I woulda... I know that I had influence over this guys life. I could have made a difference. I should have reacted differently. I could have been a friend.

What I know now is how to confront a friend in love. My relationships are different now than they ever were when I was younger (thank God). I learned from that painful part of my past. I have learned about grace and forgiveness. I have learned about unconditional love.

I talked to Mark about a year ago. We were ok. I know that there have been several others in his life who have shown the care, love and concern that he needed, though he has been unwilling to listen to any of them. He has destroyed his marriage, his family, and his relationships - except with those who will do what he does and suffer with him. I pray for him, his wife and his kids. I pray for future relationships that may be able to open that door and walk with him as a friend should. I pray for his relationship with his Creator.

I don't know if things would have turned out different for Mark had I done things right. But I do know this: you can never underestimate the influence you have in people's lives. If you are a leader, you cannot take the affect you have on those you lead for granted.

Yes, you will make mistakes. Yes, you will sometimes do things the wrong way. Learn from those experiences. You never know who may be watching or listening - who you may be influencing. You never know whose life you might save.

Thanks for letting me bare a little of myself.
Peace.